I Am So Irritated.

I guess it's not a bad thing that my son loves me, right?

But sometimes I seriously question the good in his obsession. Like today, for example. I have to write these stupid journals for a stupid class with a ________ (you fill in the blank) professor. And it is taking me TEN times as long to get them done.

Why?

Because I'm doing them at home.

At this very moment, my son, after being put out of the room, is banging on the door, crying, and screaming at the top of his lungs. My husband is in the background yelling, "C'mere son!" from his comfortable position on the couch.

I am so irritated.

Not on the Dean's List

Right now, at this very moment, I am in class.

Everyone is typing away at their computers. Intent on finishing this practice problem our professor has given us.

And I am on ________ (facebook, blogger, reader, gmail... pick your poison).

This is why I'm not on the dean's list.

Never Wear These Pants Again...

I will not wear pants with cuffs again.

I have this cute pair of dress pants from Banana Republic. I got them on sale so that means I really love them.

But, when I wear them I risk my life.

I don't know why or how or what makes this happen, but some kind of way, my heel catches in the cuff of my pants. It has happened before, at least twice. The first time I was working at the State Capitol, surrounded by marble. My heel caught and I tripped, just a little. It ripped a little chunk of fabric out of the cuff. No one was around, thank God.

After the first incident, I realized that I couldn't walk with my feet too close together. This worked for quite a while, I'd say about 6 months. And then (lol), I was walking with two of my colleagues back to work. This time, I was surrounded by concrete. Similar trip as before, but this time I had witnesses.

Today, however, could have very well ended my life. I realize, looking back, that I may have deserved this. I left my class about 10 minutes after it started so that I could get my computer cord from my car. I don't really need my computer for class, but it's just so boring that I CAN NOT STAND IT! My professor has already made a PSA about how he didn't like people coming into class late (which I did yesterday, BTW). I assume that means he probably doesn't like people walking in and out, but I didn't care. I can't and I won't sit through that class without alternative entertainment. So, I leave. And as I'm walking back I'm preparing myself for what I would say if he said something to me. Really ignorant sh*t, too.

And in the midst of my "wish a mutha would" moment, my pants fail me once again.

This time, my heel not only catches on a declining concrete sidewalk, but right in front of the glass windows where many of my fellow schoolmates sit and study. This was NOTHING, like the first two incidents. Oh, no. The first two times, if you hadn't been near me you probably wouldn't have noticed. THIS time, even the people inside paid attention. My heel caught and it took me SEVERAL stumbles (arm flying, leg shaking, stumbles) before I caught myself on the railing that I nearly busted my mouth into.

It was LOUD. So loud.

Everyone walking into the building with me stopped and asked me if I was okay. Even people INSIDE the building.

The moral of this story: Don't be an asshole, and NEVER wear these pants again.

It Was Fate

My husband e-mailed me this picture with the e-mail titled "Us."

I laughed. We are nearly the same height, and when I wear heels, well, there's a difference. We're not this bad though.

It was a picture from an article at MSN titled "Secrets of Happy Couples in 100 Words or Less."
So, you know what I did next.

"Honey, what's our secret?"

His response: "We haven't stabbed one another (although I'm sure that you have been VERY close)."

Ha, ha. So funny. But, me being me, I press on for an answer. I even include the format of the article (so he can't get it wrong). I had to stop and ask myself a question:

Why do we do this?

Why do we, women, ask questions like this. Maybe not all women do this, but I certainly do. I know that most people want honesty in their relationships, but are there some questions we just shouldn't ask? Or, if we do ask them, are we allowed to be upset if the honest answer is not something you expected or wanted to hear?

My answer is a RESOUNDING YES! Ha, ha.

No, but seriously, and this is probably not the best example of questions that maybe we just shouldn't ask ("Do I look fat, honey?" is probably better), but I wonder what it is about women, or me that wants my husband to, essentially, be someone he's not or put himself in a lose-lose situation if he's honest. Because my husband is not very sensitive or romantic. He is, however, honest and a problem solver - two characteristics that don't always bode well.

CUE: Me laying on the floor of our closet on a pile of clothes sobbing about none of them fitting and cursing genetics for slowing my metabolism. His response: Well, maybe you could try eating healthier and waking up at 5 a.m. to workout (ignore the improbability of me EVER being anywhere but my bed at 5 a.m.). After 20 minutes he finally said, "Oh, honey, I think you're beautiful and slim. Give me a hug."

Get my point? So, why do we do this? It's kind of unfair to them and it can certainly be cruel to ourselves.

He hasn't e-mailed back yet, so maybe I'll e-mail first him and say "Nevermind. I love you."

*Update* I sent the never mind line. But he responded anyway. His response:

"It was fate."

Big, Fat, Resounding No: 3 Things You Should Know Before Agreeing to Be in a Wedding

Okay, so I was asked to be in a wedding. I have never been in a wedding as an adult before and it seemed like something fun to do.

My husband and I got married in the living room of our house, so I guess I should say revise that and say I've never been in a full-blown wedding before.

In any event, the bride is a new (but fast) friend. We met a year ago and talk pretty regularly. I am pretty particular about who I call my friends, but I would say she is one of them. So, when she asked me, I said yes, in part for her but also because I was curious.

Boy, do I wish I'd known what I was getting myself into. So, I've made a list about all the things I wish I had known before I agreed to be in this wedding.

1. It is expensive.
Okay, so I knew I'd have to buy a dress, but that's pretty much where my list ended. I was expecting no more than $150 (on the high end). WRONG! My dress was about $50 more than that. I also thought I could just wear a pair of shoes in the color she wanted. WRONG again. Ended up paying $50 (which is not that bad) for a pair of shoes I'll never wear again.

*sidebar: Brides, stop telling people that they are buying things they can wear again. It's a lie. It's always a lie. Unless you've told your wedding party to buy a dress they like in one of your wedding colors.

Then there's make-up, hair, accessories. I don't mind doing it because I like the bride, but I'm always surprised about more expenses. I guess, well, I OBVIOUSLY I really just didn't have a concept of what a wedding (or being in a wedding) entailed.

I'll be frank with you. I know that it is tradition, habit, or whatever, for bridesmaids to pay for their own weddding stuff. But, if I were having a wedding, I wouldn't do that. I would rent or pay for all of the bridesmaid stuff. I just wouldn't feel right asking someone to pay to be in my wedding. Plus, based on the fact that I got married in my living room, I really don't think weddings are justifiable expenses anyway. So, it's even harder for me to justify making someone else spend money on it. But, to each his own.

So, if you're in a wedding expect to pay for the following:
- A bridesmaid dress
- Shoes
- Accessories
- Hair
- Make-up
- Bridal Shower Stuff
- Bridal Shower Gift
- Bachelorette Party
- Wedding Gift

Now, I've seen some people do it different. They will let you wear your own shoes, pay for a stylist to do everyone's hair and make-up, and even pay for bachelorette party and/or wedding accommodations. I have even known brides who paid for the bridesmaid dresses so all you really had to worry about were travel costs (if you came from out of state). And then there are the brides that expect you to pay $1000 for a dress.

2. It is time consuming.
The wedding is this weekend and right now I am basically booked doing wedding related stuff from Friday until Sunday evening (the wedding is on a Sunday evening). Frankly, I really didn't have time to be in this wedding. You read my posts people, you know I'm barely making it as is. Between bridal showers, bachelorette parties, hair appointments, dress measuring, dress alterations, rehearsals, rehearsal dinners, church service... I mean, you see where this is going. My day is already scheduled to the MAX! I'm starting my third week of school and I haven't read a SINGLE page. And not because of this wedding, because of my LIFE!

3. Some people are trifling.
So, I quickly discovered that there will be some wedding party members who just won't do their part. I agreed to be in this wedding having no idea about what it would require me to do. And even though I am surprised at EVERY turn with something, I roll with the punches. Because I shouldn't have said yes if I wasn't going to be able to do that. I even take on extra responsibility because face it. The bride is already stressed and that's what you would want someone to do for you if you were in that position. But not coming to the bridal shower or at least sending a gift? Expecting me to front the costs of a bachelorette party because other bridesmaids won't contribute (another bridesmaid ACTUALLY asked me to do this)? I don't think so. Are they crazy? I can't and I won't.

All in all, I have decided that I don't care enough about weddings to do this again. There are only a handful of people whose weddings I will particpate in going forward. Everyone else gets a big, fat, resounding NO!

I turned it on!

Today, I did something really mean.

My son is semi-afraid of the vacuum cleaner. He is curiously cautious of it and will get close to inspect it if it's running, but run away if I move it towards him.

In any event, the vacuum cleaner has been sitting in the corner of my bedroom for two weeks. No, it doesn't belong there. No, it hasn't been used. Don't judge me.

Madi, now that it's not on and running, enjoys pressing the buttons, swinging the plug around, pulling the cord all the way to the living room, and tipping it over and riding it like a horse.

All things I tell him not to do. Repeatedly.

So, today, I decided that I would show him better than I could tell him. And although I know that this is a heinously horrible thing to do and I am FOREVER out of the "Number One Mommy" contest, I just couldn't help myself. As he was sitting on the vaccum cleaner, riding it like a horsey...

I turned it on! 

To Someone Else...

I am literally SOBBING my way through this episode of “16 and Pregnant.”

The show is about, well, you guessed it, 16 year olds who get pregnant and their experiences through the pregnancy and after. For the final episode, MTV showed a young couple who decided to give their daughter to another couple through adoption. (Read their interview here.)

Most of the episodes have been pretty typical, at least for me. The mom struggles through the pregnancy and afterward, and has the same fights with the dad that I had with my husband (It’s YOUR turn to change the diaper). But all of this was tainted with the funk of immaturity. I was terrified about being able to care for another human being. I still am. They were drunk with excitement. It was interesting to watch them sober up.

But these kids are so brave. And so selfless. Part of the reason they decided to give the baby up was because of the instability in their lives. Both came from homes with ex-felon parents, or had jumped from relative to relative because of their parent’s inability to care for them. They wanted something better for their daughter and wanted it in the face of opposition from the same parents who had made their lives so unstable.

“There’s plenty of love to take care of that baby. You just gotta make it happen,” one of the parents said (the ex-convict). The boy replied, “Love is why I have to give her a better life. And get her away from this hell hole.”

I wish all 16-year olds were as smart as them. Granted, they weren’t very smart getting pregnant at that age. But hell, my pregnancy wasn't planned and I was six years older! I watched one episode of a girl living on her grandmother’s couch with her mom who was also pregnant and wondered why she didn’t get it.

Honestly, I would not be brave or selfless enough to carry a baby for nine months and then give it to someone else. I’m too selfish. I would sooner get an abortion.

I guess that’s why this couple affected me as it did. Because they are able to do something that so many people NEED to do, but are too selfish to do. Give something so personal and precious to someone else.