Big, Fat, Resounding No: 3 Things You Should Know Before Agreeing to Be in a Wedding

Okay, so I was asked to be in a wedding. I have never been in a wedding as an adult before and it seemed like something fun to do.

My husband and I got married in the living room of our house, so I guess I should say revise that and say I've never been in a full-blown wedding before.

In any event, the bride is a new (but fast) friend. We met a year ago and talk pretty regularly. I am pretty particular about who I call my friends, but I would say she is one of them. So, when she asked me, I said yes, in part for her but also because I was curious.

Boy, do I wish I'd known what I was getting myself into. So, I've made a list about all the things I wish I had known before I agreed to be in this wedding.

1. It is expensive.
Okay, so I knew I'd have to buy a dress, but that's pretty much where my list ended. I was expecting no more than $150 (on the high end). WRONG! My dress was about $50 more than that. I also thought I could just wear a pair of shoes in the color she wanted. WRONG again. Ended up paying $50 (which is not that bad) for a pair of shoes I'll never wear again.

*sidebar: Brides, stop telling people that they are buying things they can wear again. It's a lie. It's always a lie. Unless you've told your wedding party to buy a dress they like in one of your wedding colors.

Then there's make-up, hair, accessories. I don't mind doing it because I like the bride, but I'm always surprised about more expenses. I guess, well, I OBVIOUSLY I really just didn't have a concept of what a wedding (or being in a wedding) entailed.

I'll be frank with you. I know that it is tradition, habit, or whatever, for bridesmaids to pay for their own weddding stuff. But, if I were having a wedding, I wouldn't do that. I would rent or pay for all of the bridesmaid stuff. I just wouldn't feel right asking someone to pay to be in my wedding. Plus, based on the fact that I got married in my living room, I really don't think weddings are justifiable expenses anyway. So, it's even harder for me to justify making someone else spend money on it. But, to each his own.

So, if you're in a wedding expect to pay for the following:
- A bridesmaid dress
- Shoes
- Accessories
- Hair
- Make-up
- Bridal Shower Stuff
- Bridal Shower Gift
- Bachelorette Party
- Wedding Gift

Now, I've seen some people do it different. They will let you wear your own shoes, pay for a stylist to do everyone's hair and make-up, and even pay for bachelorette party and/or wedding accommodations. I have even known brides who paid for the bridesmaid dresses so all you really had to worry about were travel costs (if you came from out of state). And then there are the brides that expect you to pay $1000 for a dress.

2. It is time consuming.
The wedding is this weekend and right now I am basically booked doing wedding related stuff from Friday until Sunday evening (the wedding is on a Sunday evening). Frankly, I really didn't have time to be in this wedding. You read my posts people, you know I'm barely making it as is. Between bridal showers, bachelorette parties, hair appointments, dress measuring, dress alterations, rehearsals, rehearsal dinners, church service... I mean, you see where this is going. My day is already scheduled to the MAX! I'm starting my third week of school and I haven't read a SINGLE page. And not because of this wedding, because of my LIFE!

3. Some people are trifling.
So, I quickly discovered that there will be some wedding party members who just won't do their part. I agreed to be in this wedding having no idea about what it would require me to do. And even though I am surprised at EVERY turn with something, I roll with the punches. Because I shouldn't have said yes if I wasn't going to be able to do that. I even take on extra responsibility because face it. The bride is already stressed and that's what you would want someone to do for you if you were in that position. But not coming to the bridal shower or at least sending a gift? Expecting me to front the costs of a bachelorette party because other bridesmaids won't contribute (another bridesmaid ACTUALLY asked me to do this)? I don't think so. Are they crazy? I can't and I won't.

All in all, I have decided that I don't care enough about weddings to do this again. There are only a handful of people whose weddings I will particpate in going forward. Everyone else gets a big, fat, resounding NO!