Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Do What I Want

So, I read The Fress Xpress almost every day. It's pretty interesting, mostly social commentary, and I enjoy it. I have noticed that there is a lot of banter about why black women are single, especially in the comments of some of those articles.

SIDEBAR: My last post was depressing. My bad. But not "my bad" for posting it or feeling that way, my bad for not updating this blog so that people would know that I haven't jumped off of a bridge or something. Since then, I have taken (and hopefully passed) the bar, started my new job, and gotten off of birth control (yes, we're going for baby #2 soon). So, I'm not sure if it's the stability of a second income (probably not, we were really fine before), the removal of stressors (law school, studying for the bar, the 1,000 extracurriculars I always found a way to get involved in) or the birth control (my mom INSISTS it makes the women in my family crazy - and I think she's right) but I have been REALLY happy! Like content. It's awesome. My family and friends are amazing and I couldn't have made it through all of this without them.

Okay, back to the post. In any event, the comments are sometimes constructive, and sometimes really hateful. It reminded me of this incident at a BBQ I was at a month or so before I graduated. I asked my husband if he wanted a plate, something we usually do for each other when someone's tied up with Madi man or if we get up first. One lady questioned "You fix his plate?!"

Uh, yeah.

She responded "Oh, wow. I would never fix my boyfriend/husband a plate." I asked her why and her response was essentially, it was something she just wouldn't do. That's fine for her, but I couldn't figure out why it was such a big deal with her that I did it.

Actually, I knew exactly why she had an issue. In her opinion (and in the opinion of many other women) it made me appear submissive. It made me look subordinate. It made me look weak. Lol, give her a pass. She doesn't know me. I understand this, or at least I understand that people who are around when I do this will probably feel like this.

But iont care. I'm grown.

If I want to fix my husband a plate, that's what I'll do and I really don't care what you have to say about it. I fix his plate because I love him. I do it because I like him and care about him. I do it for my mom, my grandmother, my dad, I'd do it for my friends. And when I asked the lady if she'd do it for her mom, grandmother, dad, etc. she said she would. That's so stupid.

I guess my whole reason for even bringing this up is that sometimes people are so caught up in how something looks to other people that they shape their behavior to align themselves with those perceptions. Who does that? If I did that, just in the last four years of my life, it would be radically different. It probably still would've been okay, but radically different.

For example, if I had worried that people expected me to go to Georgetown and been embarassed to change my mind because I'd already told people that's where I was going, I'd be in DC with an anxiety disorder because I was afraid of the possibility that I'd have to leave the law school late at night.

If I had worried that people would think I'd changed my mind ONLY because my then boyfriend lived here (which was part of the reason), I wouldn't be at home in the place I grew up and love excited to make a difference in my own backyard - something that's been my mission since I left 7 years ago.

If I had worried that people would think I was immoral or whatever for getting pregnant before I got married, my son wouldn't be here.

If I had worried that people would think I was "too young" to get married, well... obviously.

In any event, at a certain age I realized that while the opinions of some matter (because trust me, people still feel the need to comment on my early marriage or tell me I should wait on baby #2), I'm the only person responsible for my happiness and success. I do what I want.