Monday, December 27, 2010

Hide the china...

Christmas was an overall great day. Madi woke up and asked me "Is it Christmas? Did Santa come? Are my presents here?" He was very excited. Everytime he opened a gift he said "Thank you, Santa," which kind of irritated me, but I know he's only two and I probably shouldn't steal his Christmas magic. But I'm not into Santa. At all.

My husband decided that he wanted to cook Christmas dinner and cook Christmas dinner he did. He grilled a turkey and it was the best turkey I've ever had. Seriously. He also made greens, sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, and dressing. Everything else was good, but he's got to work on that dressing. I was very proud of him for taking the initiative and diving head first into a big meal. Especially since he's probably cooked dinner 10 times since we've been together.

We celebrated our third anniversary last week. Time flies. I think we're starting a tradition because for the third year in a row we went to dinner at a steakhouse and then went Christmas shopping for our son. It was nice to treat him (since this is the first year I've worked full-time since we've been married) and spend time together. I still love him. And I like him too which is nice.

Last week was full of events for our family. We found out that we're be welcoming another little boy to our family! We're naming him after my husband's grandfather and my stepfather. I'll be surrounded by Y chromosomes. Hide the china.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

My First Born Son...

Dear Son,

I want to write this letter so I can remember you at this age. I'm sorry that I didn't do a very good job of keeping up with your baby book. Mommy was pretty busy the first two and a half years of your life. But you are such an amazing kid. Every day you surprise me. I know that every mother thinks that their kid is the smartest kid ever, but you really amaze me. Everyone thinks you've been here before and I'm starting to believe them.

1. You have been potty trained since before your 2nd birthday. We can thank your great-Granny for that with a little help from Mommy and Daddy.

2. You have been able to sing your ABC's since then, too. This summer, while Mommy was studying for the bar, you learned to count to 20, and have been able to recognize letters A-J for a few months.

3. You are very sweet and a little manipulative. You immediately say "Sorry" when you've been caught doing something or when you know you'll eventually get caught. But you don't say sorry because you really feel bad for doing it. You say it to try to head off the potential discipline.

4. You also offer lots of kisses and hugs and tell us you love us when you think you might be about to get into trouble.

5. When you get in trouble anyway, you're sure to tell us "I'm mad at you! I'm too mad!" Or you'll call us by our first names.

6. You also call us by our first names to be cheeky or to antagonize us. This trait you got honest, because your great grandfather and his entire family are antagonistic. This includes your father.

7. You wake up talking. You literally open your eyes and start a full-blown conversation.

8. You are a morning person. Mommy is not. Sorry those conversations weren't much like dialogue.

9. You can dress the bottom half of yourself, though some things are inside out or backwards.

10. You know the full names of all of your aunts and grandparents.

11. You know where all of your Dad's aunts and uncles live. And they live EVERYWHERE but here.

12. You have pretty decent coordination. You love to "play soccer, basketball, and baseball."

13. You are my music child. You sing to everything (even when you don't know the words). You dance to everything from Earth, Wind, and Fire, to Cee-Lo, to TV commercials. You have a piano with a microphone that you drag in front of the TV when "Jack's Big Music Show" is on and you "perform" with the show.

14. You like Drake's "Better Find Your Lovin" and some Sean Kingston song your aunts introduced you to that goes "No-tee, no-tee, no-tee..." I dunno.

15. Your aunts also think it's hilarious to teach you to do dances they learn in videos. So you know how to "Flex," among other things.

Lots more to add. Lots more to do AWAY from the computer. I love you my first born son.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Do What I Want

So, I read The Fress Xpress almost every day. It's pretty interesting, mostly social commentary, and I enjoy it. I have noticed that there is a lot of banter about why black women are single, especially in the comments of some of those articles.

SIDEBAR: My last post was depressing. My bad. But not "my bad" for posting it or feeling that way, my bad for not updating this blog so that people would know that I haven't jumped off of a bridge or something. Since then, I have taken (and hopefully passed) the bar, started my new job, and gotten off of birth control (yes, we're going for baby #2 soon). So, I'm not sure if it's the stability of a second income (probably not, we were really fine before), the removal of stressors (law school, studying for the bar, the 1,000 extracurriculars I always found a way to get involved in) or the birth control (my mom INSISTS it makes the women in my family crazy - and I think she's right) but I have been REALLY happy! Like content. It's awesome. My family and friends are amazing and I couldn't have made it through all of this without them.

Okay, back to the post. In any event, the comments are sometimes constructive, and sometimes really hateful. It reminded me of this incident at a BBQ I was at a month or so before I graduated. I asked my husband if he wanted a plate, something we usually do for each other when someone's tied up with Madi man or if we get up first. One lady questioned "You fix his plate?!"

Uh, yeah.

She responded "Oh, wow. I would never fix my boyfriend/husband a plate." I asked her why and her response was essentially, it was something she just wouldn't do. That's fine for her, but I couldn't figure out why it was such a big deal with her that I did it.

Actually, I knew exactly why she had an issue. In her opinion (and in the opinion of many other women) it made me appear submissive. It made me look subordinate. It made me look weak. Lol, give her a pass. She doesn't know me. I understand this, or at least I understand that people who are around when I do this will probably feel like this.

But iont care. I'm grown.

If I want to fix my husband a plate, that's what I'll do and I really don't care what you have to say about it. I fix his plate because I love him. I do it because I like him and care about him. I do it for my mom, my grandmother, my dad, I'd do it for my friends. And when I asked the lady if she'd do it for her mom, grandmother, dad, etc. she said she would. That's so stupid.

I guess my whole reason for even bringing this up is that sometimes people are so caught up in how something looks to other people that they shape their behavior to align themselves with those perceptions. Who does that? If I did that, just in the last four years of my life, it would be radically different. It probably still would've been okay, but radically different.

For example, if I had worried that people expected me to go to Georgetown and been embarassed to change my mind because I'd already told people that's where I was going, I'd be in DC with an anxiety disorder because I was afraid of the possibility that I'd have to leave the law school late at night.

If I had worried that people would think I'd changed my mind ONLY because my then boyfriend lived here (which was part of the reason), I wouldn't be at home in the place I grew up and love excited to make a difference in my own backyard - something that's been my mission since I left 7 years ago.

If I had worried that people would think I was immoral or whatever for getting pregnant before I got married, my son wouldn't be here.

If I had worried that people would think I was "too young" to get married, well... obviously.

In any event, at a certain age I realized that while the opinions of some matter (because trust me, people still feel the need to comment on my early marriage or tell me I should wait on baby #2), I'm the only person responsible for my happiness and success. I do what I want.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Sitting in the parking lot of McDonald's trying to think of good places to go so I can cry.

I really hate saying that because I don't like the idea of writing a blog that's all woe-is-me, super emo, but hell. I need to put this out in the universe and FB and Twitter just aren't the places for me to do that.

Nothing is really wrong. Just tired is all. Overwhelmed and know that this feeling won't let up until after the bar at the very least. But I need a break now. I feel like I've been going full-speed for three years and I try to stay upbeat and positive but this is really wearing me down. I've needed to cry (I believe crying is cathartic) for weeks, maybe months but I'm too damn tired to do it. Just don't have the energy.

It seems like one thing after another - Convention, Grandpa's illness and eventual passing, finals, stressing about job uncertainty, excited about job offer, graduation, bar prep, starting new job...

That on top of struggling to juggle husband, baby, and ME! Most times "me" gets dropped, lol. That's really not funny. But that's life.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Demand Selflessness...

It’s so ironic the parallels that exist in life. I got married at 21 and had our son at 22. I often found, that as I became more subsumed in “our life,” and my life as a wife and mother, I began neglecting me.

I think that, no matter what age, women will always struggle to negotiate the balance between their personal selves and their mommy/wife/lover/work selves. I think that this is the true struggle of womanhood. Keeping your own self when everything around you seems(emphasis on seems) to demand selflessness.