Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I am not sorry...

You know what?

I am not sorry.

I am abrasive, offensive, rude, straight-forward, and insensitive. I don't sugar coat things, and I don't deal well with sensitive people.

And I am not sorry.

This year was my second year in law school. As such, I really tried to reach out to the new black law students, particularly the women. But, no matter what I do, someone is always upset. My husband was told by a few of these students that I can sometimes put them off. In an effort to debunk this facade, I sent an e-mail to each of them letting them know that although I may seem abrasive, I genuinely want to help them. I apologized if there were ever any issues or things about me that put them off, offered them whatever help I could, and encouraged them to talk with me so we could work together.

I got all kinds of e-mails back, some telling me that they never had an issue, others appreciative of my olive branch. Keep in mind, I had no idea what I had "done" to upset people, I only knew that they were upset and tried to rectify it.

And here I am again, in the same position. There are people upset with me that I didn't even know had problems. The part that kills me is that NO ONE has EVER voiced these concerns with me. They just do that passive aggressive attitude shit that I don't have time for.

Did I already tell you that I don't have time for this? I'm mad at myself right now for wasting my time writing about it.

I guess what really upsets me is that I went OUT OF MY WAY to be nice and accommodating. This, if you know me at all, is something I have never done. I've always had a "take me as I am or fuck you" attitude. But, I felt like I should make an effort, primarily for these reasons. First, there aren't enough of us here to make people feel isolated. Second, law school is rough enough without having to deal with extracurricular bullshit or intimidation. And last, I really wanted to be helpful to an incoming law student the way that I wanted someone to help me.

I am not JUST abrasive, I am not JUST rude. I am also helpful, caring, considerate, and funny. But they will never know that about me because they prefer to view me negatively. I've stepped out of who I am to be someone that they still are not happy with and I'm not doing that EVER again. I am going to be me! 

And I am not sorry.


  1. Maaaannn.
    Why are you worried about these birds. You took it a couple steps further than I ever would have. Offering an olive branch? Say why? I mean really - if no one confronted you with these issues, then it's obviously not big enough of a deal to be addressed. Dead.

    And why are said birds talking to your husband? Just wondering.

    And don't apologize for who you are. We love you for who you are.

    ...and you are JUST rude. Don't be sorry.

  2. I know, right? I guess I just really wanted to be helpful. But you're right. And it's dead.

    They actually had a meeting and he was invited. It was kind of random, but I guess it was a former student helping new students. I'm over it. Just needed to get it out, I guess.