Watch me grow...

Two years ago, I decided that I would not date for fun anymore. I have always known that I wanted a family, and I concluded that it was a dangerous idea to involve myself with men I've always known were temporary. Fleeting relationships with temporary men can turn themselves into permanent problems. These things I try my best to avoid.

So, at the age of twenty I decided that I would not date (or continue to date) men that I knew had no potential for marriage. I had discovered that I was much happier by myself than being involved with a man that I had no long term intentions. The truth is this: relationships are difficult. Why tread that water with someone that you know will not be around in three months?

Shortly after this decision, I met my husband. I was home for the summer, and at that time wasn't sure if I was coming back after graduation. So I certainly wasn't looking for anything serious. But he was there. And I loved him. He wasn't everything that I wanted in a man. In fact, he was actually the opposite of some of those things. But he was everything I needed (still is).

After graduation, I had some tough decisions to make. Particularly, whether or not I was going to stay on the east coast for law school or return home. At that time I would have liked to think that I made my decision independent of my relationship with him. And if we wouldn't have worked out, I probably still would have been content with my decision. But there is a small part of me that knows he was a part of my decision. I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

That decision changed the course of my life forever. If I had stayed on the east coast, there would have been new experiences, but it would have really been a continuation of the old life I lived. The life of only being responsible for me, selfishness, clubbing, meeting new and interesting people, drunken nights, fun, diversity, friends. I must say, it was a great life.

There is a new life now. In less than a year after graduating, I was a wife and new mother. I always thought I would be married, always knew I wanted kids, but if you would have told me that THIS would be my life NOW, I would have laughed at you. I am twenty-two. I will be celebrating my one year anniversary with my husband in a few weeks. Sometimes, I am still surprised by it all. I would have never predicted that my life would be like this, but I am completely, whole-heartedly, in love with it.

It is a drastic change. And I don't always do as good of a job as I would like, but I am getting there. I am not yet the new me, but I am certainly not the old one. Right now, I am transitioning between the life I used to live and the life I've always wanted.

Watch me grow...