To Undo What's Been Done...

I just watched the Oscar Grant video and I am nearly in tears. If you have not seen it, you can see it here: http://cbs5.com/local/oakland.BART.shooting.2.900634.html

First, I am not an insensitive person. I have never personally witnessed anyone be shot or killed or hurt for that matter. I have never seen a violent fight, honestly, I've never really seen a fight. I've just never personally witnessed anyone be hurt. Even movies unnerve me at times because I watch them with a "what if this were real?" perspective. "No Country for Old Men," was shocking to me.
　
I say all this because I want you to understand how sensitive I am to violence. My reaction may be more sensitive than others. For example, my husband has seen his friends die in a car accident, witnessed shootings, seen people beaten within an inch of their lives, etc. This video may impact him differently.
　
But I felt like crying.
　
It was just so senseless. Killings like this always are, but this affected me differently. Maybe because I saw it. Maybe because I'm sensitive. Or maybe because I watched that officer, without rhyme or reason, without much forethought, take the life of someone's father, someone's son, someone's friend.

As if he was shooting an animal, swatting a fly, smashing an insect. As if the person he was killing was irrelevant. Like his life was worthless. He was no one to that officer. It didn't matter he could have been everything to someone else.

What do you say to his child? What would I say to my son if Oscar had been my husband? What do you say?

What do you say to his mother? A woman who spent 40 weeks carrying that man, fed him, clothed him, made sure he went to school, watched him graduate, who invested TWENTY-TWO years of her life in his. What do you say to her?

There is nothing to say.

There is nothing to say to undo what's been done.

And that is worth crying for. Not just because OBVIOUSLY this could be any of our son's. Not just because there are people who simply do not value life, and in fact, value some lives less. But because there is NOTHING to say to undo what's been done.